Blimey. I hate this. I'm starting to feel the positive energy slip away that I so desparetly need to get me through the day. I've had several incredible teachers in my life who both told me and showed me that a positive attitude is key to fighting any battle in life as well as to stay happy.
I'm sure part of this downhill slide is the stress of being worried about my friend Carol, who was just diagnosed with breast cancer but at the same time, it's been a while since I've had a pity party of my own.
My pity parties are days when I bury myself in a hole and don't come out for a few days. While I'm buried, I'm doing my best to get rid of my negative energies and feelings so I can get on with the positive again.
I really try not to bother people with my health issues - at least not my extended family because they have enough going on in their lives and the last thing they want is a sick relative whining about what ails them. However, anyone who deals with serious illnesses like mine, tells me that I'm not whining, I'm just stating facts.
Not only am I frustrated that I'm so limited in what I can do and feel up to doing. It's not just "oh, I just don't feel like it today..." it's "I can't seem to get enough air in my lungs today to climb the stairs to go anywhere!" Not only is the Pulmonary Hypertension and the Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension serious, a pain, but they're death sentences. BUT I'm SO NOT done with life yet. Either I will new lungs (which I won't be a candidate for due to the Rheumatoid Arthritis, which caused the PH and PAH to begin with, thank you very much, damn autoimmune diseases anyway) or something like congentive heart failure.
It sucks. But I fight every damn day to stay positive and for my life.