I sit here with my heart full, perhaps fuller than it has ever been.  There was so many blessings this year along with hard times and losses.  I remember my 2007 New Year started with coming out of my bedroom that morning, on my way to my bathroom, and I was startled by my dad standing in my way.  There stood the man that I love with all my heart, who the so-called physicians at Ogden Regional Hospital said would never walk without assistance again after his 9-week hospitalization.  The physical therapists never gave up, we never gave up and most importantly, Dad never gave up.  As my eyes filled with tears, I hugged my dad to make sure it was not a dream.  He had walked down the 14 stairs to my basement to tell me that he finished his physical therapy; mastering the stairs was his last hurdle.  During last Christmas, my family kept calling Dad our Christmas miracle because along with the negative assumptions of his walking was also accompanied by the assumptions that Dad would never regain his mental faculties.  He showed them!  We're so thankful for his new doctors and for all the blessings we've had this year.  Although we still face a battle every day, he's worth it.  Laughter and love go hand-in-hand in our family and he is the root of it all. 

The first ten months of the year sped by and most everything is a blur due to me taking the toughest classes of the four years I went to school.  I sacrificed a lot over the past four years but I was determined to finish my bachelors... and I did in October.  I have my beautiful diploma but my family is waiting to celebrate it on June 14, when the graduation ceremony is scheduled. 

My nephew Tyler and his wife, Sara, brought a sweet baby boy, Caleb, into the world last summer.  Then my nephew Travis and his wife, Sara, brought sweet Eli into the world and despite having a rough start, Eli thrives.  My niece Keldi and her husband Matt are expecting their second boy this April.  Our family is growing and it's awesome to see the people I love thrive and grow.  My niece Elyssa started a special school program and her teachers agree that she is indeed, brilliant; she just cannot say all she wants to.  There is still no diagnosis but we're focusing on her growing and being happy. 

The loser, Elyssa's so-called-father (we call him the sperm donor) was released to a half-way-house in early December.  My sister called the facility where he was held and made it clear that he was not living with her.  Although she hasn't gotten a divorce yet, it's a big step for her to say "no" to him.  He tries calling her often but she ignores the calls.  Kathy suffers from bi-polar and she's had a rough time of it for the past few weeks due to a medication change but she's starting to come out of it.  I know in my heart that if she gets strong enough to divorce him, she can do anything.  The school, bus drivers, and aides have all been warned about him, in case he tries anything.  I'd actually like to have him try something... because he'd land himself back in prison. 

I am grateful for all of my family.  I drove my parents to Idaho Falls, Idaho, Friday for my Aunt Lou Jean's 80th birthday celebration.  The weather was snowy but we made it there safely and back home Saturday, despite Idaho's *cough, cough* so-called snow removal services.  The celebration was wonderful and she deserved such a lovely party.  Cousins, aunts, uncle, were there; local and those who traveled from California, Utah, and Washington.  There is so much love in my family and as I hugged those who I have not seen in years, there was no love loss.  I enjoyed catching up with them all and was honored to be part of the celebration for Lou Jean.  Not many 80 year-olds can still hula like she can. 

In other news, I met someone special at the end of October and I've hesitated in sharing it on my blog - mostly because I did not want to jinx it, however, he is part of the reason why my heart is so full.  His name is David and he's the "special friend" who lost his sister recently.  The outpour of love and support for him has not only helped him and his family but it's made me appreciate you all the more.  David is an incredible man and we have a lot of hopes for the coming year.  He has two children, a daughter (who lives with her mother) and a son (who lives with David) and he is an incredible father, which makes me adore him even more.  He's funny, sensitive, romantic (he blows my mind), caring, and strong.  He actually lives in Utah (only an hour away from me), which means I was wrong when I said, "There are not any straight, great, handsome, sexy, available men in Utah who are not dorks."   He is a little nutty because he loves my sense of humor and he indulges my *snicker* moments.  Our time together has been limited due to work conflicts and the tragedy of his sister's death, but we're patient because we know our relationship is worth waiting and fighting for. The man makes me swoon.......... even through a text message. I wonder where he's been all my life and he asked me the same; however, I know that we've both been on our own journey and the journeys finally met.  

My life is full of incredible friends - each one is special to me and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.  I wish the very best of health, happiness, and peace for each of my friends in this new year.  You all are my friends and I appreciate the love and support you've shown me over the years; you've kept me strong and I've never felt alone with you all by my side.

It's been a year full of discovering and igniting passions within myself and it feels great to feel free enough to explore the person I want to become. I am a work-in-progress and have the self-love to continue the work; my self-esteem has always been low but it's getting higher. I believe that I cannot truly love another without first loving myself. It's been a year now since I opened this place, where I share my thoughts and passions. Again, I thank you all for your friendship and for your part in my journey.

I have a request for a friend of mine, Suzanne.  Her mother passed away yesterday morning and I ask that you keep her and her family in your thoughts. 

Gee whiz, the past few days have been a whirlwind of activity; first with all the cooking and baking I did then with the Christmas celebrations.  I have to admit, despite the sadness I've felt lately, this was one of the best Christmases I can recall.  My family focused more on one another than we have in the past.  My siblings and me pooled our money to purchase Mom and Dad a frost-free freezer.  Mom was upset with us at first, for spending the money, but once the freezer arrived and she realized how much work and energy this will save, she began to come around a bit.  I'm afraid she'll have to continue getting upset with us all because we plan on going in on gifts for her and Dad's birthdays as well as Mother's and Father's Days. 

Sara, Caleb, & TylerChristmas Eve, my two sisters, my niece Elyssa, and my brother Bob and his four kids (two have spouses), and two grandchildren came to dinner.  This is the first year in so long that they've all come and it made Mom and Dad so happy.  I got a lot of compliments on dinner and I think everyone had a good time.  Susie and I kicked Mom out of the kitchen so she could visit with Bob and his kids. 

Matt, Keldi, Jaxton, & BobThis was a hard Christmas for Bob, and I was happy to see his family rally around him.  His wife Kori is divorcing him due to problems she had with Bob's daughter, Heather.  He also said it all was a matter of bad timing - they remain friends - and who knows, when her son grows up and Heather does too (18 and 19 respectively) and they won't cause problems. 

After our dinner was over and Bob and his kids left, Mom, Dad, Susie, and Elyssa went to my brother J Dee's house.  I got my Christmas wish of having a white Christmas - it was wonderful!  Although driving in the blizzard of snow, up several hills, gee whiz, I could have used Santa's sleigh with Rudolph, but Santa needed it more than I did on his busy night.  When I arrived, feeling like I'd taken a dive, head first in the snow, Santa called out my name to sit on his lap.  I can't tell you what I wished for *snicker* but he and Mrs. Claus gave me a wink.  We saw all of J Dee and Patti's kids and grandkids while we were there. 

Chelese & Adam taken earlier this yearI also was able to congratulate my nephew Adam and his new fiance', Chelese; Adam proposed to her on Sunday night.  It was wonderful to see all my siblings, nieces, nephews, and grandnieces and grandnephews.  My heart was filled with love and happiness, which felt so good. 

Me holding Sweet EliSusie was holding sweet Eli and pointing out the fact that she had her and I didn't.  Right then, Eli decided to cry and Susie handed Eli over to me.  She calmed right down - proving once again, I have the magic touch and that Eli likes me and we have a special bond. ;-)  I cuddled Eli, talked to her, and she cooed back while I stood and rocked back and forth.  Pretty soon, her momma, Sara, covered her up with a blanket and she soon fell asleep. Gee whiz, that little girl has a hold of my heart strings.

Elyssa and vanityAfter Mom, Dad, and I got home, Mom and I finished cleaning up the dinner mess and then stayed up until midnight playing the roles of Santa's Elves to put Elyssa's lovely vanity together.  It was a labor of love, if not a royal pain!  Seeing her face Christmas morning was worth every bit of frustration we had.  I even had fun playing with the hair dryer, lipstick, cell phone, and scissors because it played noises when each one was lifted up.  What a hoot.   

After we opened gifts, I decided to go out and do some light shoveling (gee whiz, I think that is an oxymoron); we had another six inches of snow that fell during the night, which makes about 10-12 inches out of the whole storm.  It felt good to be outside in the lovely sunny day with everything covered in snow and breathing in the lovely fresh air.  I shoveled 1/3 of the triple car driveway then the front steps and walkway and was about to leave the rest for my brother when two neighbors walked over and finished the driveway and helped me finish the front sidewalks.  I offered them some treats but they both laughed and said they were shoveling snow to work off the Christmas goodies they had already eaten. 

The rest of the day, I relaxed and napped a bit, while begging my body to forgive me and to quit hurting, but alas, it did not.  I felt better yesterday and my muscles were sorer than my joints so I figured I was forgiven since I slept twelve hours that night.  

Today, I am working a 12-hour day (oh joy) and then another weekend will begin again; gee whiz, I could get used ti this.  Lots of snow is in the forecast so we'll see if it's a white New Year's too. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your families and those special to you.   

I just spoke with my special guy about his sister.  He is back in town for two days and he's returning to Seattle Saturday, when they'll turn off the life support for his sister.  She's got a lot of head injuries and although she survived two surgeries, there is still no hope.  They're honoring her wishes in her living will and they'll let her go.  It's killing him but he also doesn't want her to suffer - none of his family does.  He appreciates all the thoughts and prayers from everyone - and he was pleasantly surprised when I told him how many of you are thinking of him, his sister, and family. 

Living wills are so important, especially in the event of a severe accident or sudden illness; it takes the pressure off the family to decide what to do. 

May she rest in peace and her family be comforted. 

I come to you live as I am sitting atop my throne of cleansing for my yearly colonoscopy ritual.  The colonoscopy is tomorrow - so ... Merry Christmas to me!  The past five years, I have sat upon this very throne of cleansing but without any creature comforts.  This year is different; I have my laptop atop a television tray, two bottles of water, which I must drink in the three hours to come (which will be repeated once more), and my portable DVD player with “Christmas Vacation” to watch.  The only things missing are my blanket and pillow, and cheap thrills like I get when I sit atop Hula’s throne.  ;-)  The goal of tonight's cleansing is to be cleaner than a whistle... and I'm almost there...

Anyone afraid to get a colonoscopy shouldn’t worry about the procedure itself but the cleansing part.  I have lost my tolerance for lime, lemon, orange, and now peach Jello (part of the clear liquid diet prior to the cleansing).  The Fleet Phospho-soda is nasty and makes me ill; the lemon-ginger flavor is one I will never forget – ever.  It would be better if it were unflavored.  I swear each year that I’m going to write the Fleet company and tell them to give us a choice, perhaps this year, I will.  There are pills available now but my doc wants me to stick to the nasty elixir.  Talk about torture!  Then there’s the drawback of my lower limbs falling asleep while sitting on my throne so long.  Me thinks I should get a cushioned seat for said throne… one of these days.

Mom came downstairs to check on me while I was curled up on my bed – during a cleansing break – and I heard her laugh.  She saw my little setup in my bathroom and cracked up.  I’m happy to be a source of entertainment for someone else besides myself.  ;-)

Gee whiz, that’s enough about this crappy subject.  

The Christmas preparations are underway and almost complete.  I have one more gift to wrap after my sister brings over a gift card for the second part of my niece’s gift.  I have two nieces left who are under the age of 18 – the nieces and nephews over 18 do not get formal gifts from us any longer.  The next things on my to-do list are to make fudge and spicy Chex Mix.  I usually make 10-12 batches of the Chex Mix for family and close neighbors and have my production slim-lined; I use the microwave instead of the oven then use the garage for my quick cooling system.  By the time I’m on my fourth batch, I’m ready to bag the first batch.  The fudge isn’t too difficult and I’m only making two flavors: peanut butter fudge and white chocolate fudge with cranberries, nuts, and orange zest.  Yum.  I’m giving most of it away, which is a good thing for me; less temptation.  

I’m cooking for Christmas Eve; spiral cut ham, baked beans, and sour cream augratin potatoes.  Mom is making her yummy rolls and that is where I’ve cut her off.  She’s really tired lately (since Dad has had more problems) and she’s going to take it easy.  My sisters, Susie and Kathy, niece Elyssa, Mom, Dad, and possibly my brother, Bob and his daughters, Morgan and Heather are having dinner.  Then we’re all going to my brother J Dee’s house for Santa, where we’ll see the rest of my family and the kids and women get to sit on Santa’s lap and the men get to sit on Mrs. Claus’ lap.  It’s always fun but it’s a shame that Santa and Mrs. Claus have to leave so early due to the busy night.  

Christmas morning after breakfast and the festivities, I plan on a nice, long nap.  Unless, of course, if I get an invitation to have some fun under the mistletoe. *wink, wink* I haven’t heard from him yet but I’m guessing no bad news is a good sign and his sister made it through another surgery.  Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers for them.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!  May your lives be filled with love, laughter, and celebration.

Update:  Susan mentioned her niece Kayla in her comment on this post.  Please go over and read about Kayla's next battle.  She is a true inspiration to me and although I think I'm a fighter, I don't think I would fight as hard as she fights.  She's an extraordinary young woman and she reaches for her stars. 

 Happy birthday, Colin!!  Have a wonderful day!

Lubya, Colin!! 

I'm beginning to realize that life does not slow down!  I thought I'd have all sorts of time once I was out of school but now I'm wondering how I ever managed to juggle everything.

Last week was a pretty good week; there were no confrontations, thank heavens.  I did run into the "Lord of the Flies" one morning and I smiled at him and said, "Good morning," and he grumbled back something that resembled the word, "morning."  I figured I'd kill him with kindness if he was going to be a big boob about it all.  

Vickie and I were talking about the problems Dad is having and she remembered something that she researched once for her mother.  After reading the information, I'm 100% sure that Dad does not suffer from Parkinson's but from Lewy Body Dementia (LBD).  LBT includes the low dopamine in the muscles that Parkinson's does, but it also explains everything else that is going on with Dad - past and present.  It explains his severe sensitivity to sedatives, the nasty Requip, and other medications he was given in 2006 when he was so ill. I could start a rant about dad's previous neurologist that let Dad go a year before helping him then prescribed Requip that but I won't ;-) However, I do plan on writing a letter to the bastard now that I know what I know. 

I brought the info on LBD home and showed my parents and Mom remembered that Dad's neurologist mentioned it a few times but she didn't know what it was.  Now we do.  The doctor ordered an oxygen test for Dad to check his readings at night, which we should get today or tomorrow. 

Medicare, being the experts they are *cough, cough*, refused to pay for Dad's night oxygen any more because his readings were "too good."  Figure that one out.  It was working - wow - but working too well??.  The last 90 days since he hasn't had the oxygen, he began to do worse so they're starting there to find out why he's doing so bad right now.  I realize there is a natural progression of this disease, however, I'm not exhausting all the possibilities of things they can do to slow it down yet.  I don't feel it's time to give up and just keep him comfortable.  He's fighting and so are we.   

Friday was filled with fun between my company Christmas luncheon and getting together with my friends, the Motley Crew, for an early dinner.  My friend Linda went as my guest for the luncheon then we did some shopping between the two events.  My friends and I laughed and laughed at dinner, caught up with each other, and exchanged gifts.  We've vowed to get together once a month and it's been great the past few months.  We all used to work in the same building but with job changes, organization moves, and promotions, we're spread out all over now so it's nice to see one another. 

After that, I went home and picked Mom up and we went to Wally World.  We were quite brave since it was crowded but there were no run-ins with rude shoppers.  I was prepared with my sincere "Merry Christmas" line if anyone was rude.  

Saturday, I wrapped most my Christmas gifts and then got the bad news about my special someone's sister.  Thank you again for all your thoughts for him, his sister, and their family.  You are all so wonderful.

We got a surprise visit from my nephew Travis, his wife Sara, and their cute little baby Eli.  She is more adorable than ever and she's smiling now.  Click on photo to embiggen.  I captured this expression just right... she's definitely Travis' daughter - I always tease him when she farts and now, sticks her tongue out.  I held her for a few minutes and she has such a sweet spirit, she amazes me.  Mom and Dad told me that they were amazed at the connection I have with her and I think it's wonderful.  I always had this connection with Travis so it doesn't surprise me.  Sara is wonderful too and it feels as if I've known her all her life too. 

I'm so blessed to have an incredible family and friends.

There is someone who has become very special to me in the past two months - I haven't spoken about him on my blog before now, but I'm writing about him now because I'm asking for support for him, his sister, and their entire family.  His sister was in a terrible car accident where she was blindsided by a truck in Seattle, where she lives.  She's in critical condition and has made it through one surgery but they fear she will not make it through a second surgery.  He and his dad are flying out Sunday morning to be with her and he's afraid that she won't even wake up to know he's there. 

Please keep all of his family in your thoughts and prayers - I would be grateful.   

Sometimes it takes me a MACK truck to wake up to all that is going on around me and to my friends.  Last week started out as a good week, until Tuesday when I let an old boss get the best of me.  However, I stood my ground and emailed him as well as several others stating that I did not appreciate how he treated me and I felt that he was wrong in doing so.  Turns out, I was right.  Not that I wanted to win because accusations, assumptions, and other factors always seem to cause nothing but trouble.  I am proud for the way I dealt with this individual, whom I refer to as "The Lord of the Flies" on my FLICKR site.  In this case, the flies weren't attracted to honey but something much more offending. 

Last week was the second week in a row that I had to deal with a jerk and there better not be a third week. 

While I was dealing with this situation and others that cropped up during the week, I missed some important events.  Deni's poor kitties had to be put down due to a rabid raccoon and she herself is undergoing the shots in case her sweet kitty, Noodles, was infected by the raccoon.  I know these kitties were more than pets - they were her babies and my heart breaks for her.  Monica is taking a break from blogging because of her son may be battling lymphoma for the second time.  She needs to focus on him and getting him well.  Vickie's mom is in kidney failure and it is taking its toll on her.  Dawn is also having a hard time right now.  All are so special to me and I ask that you keep them in your thoughts.

I'm sure there's more going on and I don't want to exclude anyone but I have not been able to visit as I want to.  My point is that I seem to get buried in my own pile of sand while others are drowning around me.  My dad's his late twin sister's daughter got married on Friday and my parents asked me to drive them to South Salt Lake for the wedding luncheon.  I thought of all I had to do this weekend and actually hesitated before saying yes.  There were a dozen reasons for saying no but they were all selfish and I'm glad I made the right choice.

My cousin literally broke out in a sob when she saw my dad walk through the door of the restaurant.  She hugged him tightly and introduced Dad to her husband, proudly.  She's always felt closer to Dad than the other siblings, probably because of him being her mom's twin and the connection they had.  Dad misses his sister every day and I know it did him good to see Jeanette happy.  As I sat next to Dad, he was so happy, he was glowing.  Then it hit me.

All we need is love.  Love from family and friends. 

I knew it before, however, I obviously need to be reminded.  It's more than the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons when I take notice of all I have to be grateful for, it's what I need to remember every minute of every day.  Focus on the beauty  and love in life... not the flies.

My dad is slowly disappearing and I feel so helpless because I am unable to fight for him.  Parkinson's disease is taking him away from us.  He has good days but lately, it seems as if it's more bad days.  Yesterday, he couldn't remember my name and it made him feel so bad and it made me feel bad too.  I hugged him and said, "Just call me Kammy as you always used to.  I liked it when you called me Kammy."  He laughed and hugged me back and as I pulled away, he had a tear in his eye.  All I can do is love him and tell him how much he means to me... which is the most important thing.  No one or anything can ever take away that love.   

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.....and then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off?  Well!!! He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes in verse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Note: Nativity scene that I painted about 12 years ago.

One of the many joys around Christmas is regifting those questionable gifts received last year.  My worst gift last year is this little fella here.  I'm not saying that I did not appreciate the gift because I know it is the thought that counts.  However, this year, I'm looking forward to spreading the joy this gave me.  The main feeling I had was laughter, which did warm my heart... ;-) 

I've got a special person this is going to... Barb, who has spared no thoughts to give me dusty/dirty/broken and glued gifts over the past 13 years.  The last two years, my friend Sheri and I stopped spending our hard-earned money on gifts that Barb doesn't seem to appreciate and started giving her regifted items that she loves!  Go figure... I guess we should have figured this out a long time ago. 

I'm not being petty... really.  It's so funny to see Barb's eyes light up when she gets these silly gifts.  Sheri cannot wait to see this, as I've been saving it all year long. 

Christmas is really coming.  It's hard to believe, isn't it?!  Twenty-two days and counting.  

Over the weekend, I decorated for Christmas and my living room are all cheery now.  While I was going through my boxes of decorations, I found a box full of ornaments that I used to hang in my cubicle at work.  With last week's pickle post, I found something that goes right along with that... a pickle ornament!!  

I found this pickle ornament a few years ago in a store... yes, I was a perv back then too ... and I had to buy it.  It was such a surprise to find it.  I was playing with different settings to place this prize pickle ornament for the photo.  I got a winner when I set it on top of Mr. Snowman's piano.

Hmmm... do you think Mr. Snowman is jealous since he only has a carrot nose?  

Yeah... I had to ask.    

There is a legend behind said pickle ornament in Germany - an old one, but still, a tradition.  See HERE and read about the game of hiding the pickle... sounds like a fun game to me...

Wait... I've been playing it all my life... but haven't found it yet... but perhaps... soon.  *snicker*