Love Never Dies
This may be hard for some to understand, but my cat Ashley, who passed away last June is still around. It's the strangest, yet most wonderful, feeling to all of the sudden see her out of the corner of my eye. I'm not the only one who does either. I don't feel her on my legs as I did after she first died, but I still feel her presence when I am a little down and missing her (like now).
There are some times when I'm in the shower, the shower curtain will blow in just like someone opened the door - just as she used to. No door opens, no furnace turns on, it's like a little *woosh* with a zap of cold air because she always liked to hear me squeal. During my time away from blogging last month, I decided it was time to sit in our recliner, which I didn't do since she died. I couldn't bring myself to sit there until then, it didn't feel right. The chair holds so many great memories such as fighting for control over the chair. As I stood by the chair, memories came flooding back. She used to sit on the top of the chair and when I sat down in the chair, she would whip me in the face with her tail. I would laugh and reach back to pet her, then next thing I knew, she would climb down on my lap. It was our special time together; a time to snuggle, and take naps. But, when I got up from chair for a potty break, she'd take over. She was quite possessive of my lap, she got quite upset when I had a book or a project I was working on in her way.
I decided to suck it up, wipe the tears away, and get in the chair. I sat there, sobbing silently, when I pulled a blanket over me. That was the cue - always - to when she was to jump up on my lap. Next thing I knew, I could feel her on my lap; the heat was intense, even hotter than she used to be. It was amazing. I sat there, tears streaming down my cheeks but a big smile on my face. She was there. I fell asleep with the comfort of her warmth on my lap. Too bad reality hit when I woke up and I had to get up and go potty. I could almost hear her groan like she used to and I laughed through teary eyes. I didn't want it to end either but I felt relieved that I was able to work through one more stage of my grief.
I feel myself moving on and it feels like the right thing to do. I know she wants me to be happy, just as I want for her. I decided I will get another cat (most likely two sisters) after I graduate this fall. I don't feel it would be fair to get them until I can spend more time with them. The bond that Ashley and I shared for 13 years doesn't go away; she's my guardian angel and always will be. Rest in peace, Asher. I love you bunches.
There are some times when I'm in the shower, the shower curtain will blow in just like someone opened the door - just as she used to. No door opens, no furnace turns on, it's like a little *woosh* with a zap of cold air because she always liked to hear me squeal. During my time away from blogging last month, I decided it was time to sit in our recliner, which I didn't do since she died. I couldn't bring myself to sit there until then, it didn't feel right. The chair holds so many great memories such as fighting for control over the chair. As I stood by the chair, memories came flooding back. She used to sit on the top of the chair and when I sat down in the chair, she would whip me in the face with her tail. I would laugh and reach back to pet her, then next thing I knew, she would climb down on my lap. It was our special time together; a time to snuggle, and take naps. But, when I got up from chair for a potty break, she'd take over. She was quite possessive of my lap, she got quite upset when I had a book or a project I was working on in her way.
I decided to suck it up, wipe the tears away, and get in the chair. I sat there, sobbing silently, when I pulled a blanket over me. That was the cue - always - to when she was to jump up on my lap. Next thing I knew, I could feel her on my lap; the heat was intense, even hotter than she used to be. It was amazing. I sat there, tears streaming down my cheeks but a big smile on my face. She was there. I fell asleep with the comfort of her warmth on my lap. Too bad reality hit when I woke up and I had to get up and go potty. I could almost hear her groan like she used to and I laughed through teary eyes. I didn't want it to end either but I felt relieved that I was able to work through one more stage of my grief.
I feel myself moving on and it feels like the right thing to do. I know she wants me to be happy, just as I want for her. I decided I will get another cat (most likely two sisters) after I graduate this fall. I don't feel it would be fair to get them until I can spend more time with them. The bond that Ashley and I shared for 13 years doesn't go away; she's my guardian angel and always will be. Rest in peace, Asher. I love you bunches.
Karen
26 Comments
Reader Comments (26)
Dear Karen ~~ A lovely post about your Ashley.
I am so glad that you feel her near to you and have such great memories. Thank you so much for your visit, and yes it sure was hot 41C about 103 F, but is back to 35C today. I have good cooling in my house, so am lucky. Don't think I could take the cod and snow that some of you have. We rarely get below 0C, about 20F
Take care, Love, Merle.
I've been having those feelings about Misty a lot lately. The other 3 kitties in my house aren't as affectionate. Misty was much like Ashley. My heart's still broken from missing her so much. I was dreaming about her last night.
~S~ it'll be nice for you to have kittens around the house... I know you've been empty since she left you.. ~hugs~
Hi Karen! I just ready your post, and I know the pain you feel is real. Pets really are a part of our families, and the loss hurts.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Have a fun-relaxing weekend, Karen!
Awwwwwwwwwww big hugs sweetie!
I know how much she meant to you and always will. More hugsssss
I tried to comment on G-Whiz and G-Whiz you closed the comments and G-Whiz I couldn't comment. G-Whiz I guess I have to stop in earlier.
Hugs and love ya bunches.
The pictures are great and I am proud of you!
Love
Raggedy
Love the new space - seems the new year has brought good things to all the good little Karen's of the world ;)
This brought tears to my eyes and memories of my Sugar flooding back.
Thank you
<hugs>
I totally believe what you are saying. I miss Pumkin so much. I didn't let myself get as close to Whiskey.
Honey? Now, she's stubborn. She thinks I belong to her.
Hey Karen? Wouldn't it be cool if Pumkin and Ashley were up there playing together? With Chaotic's Sugar and your friend Andrea's Misty? Along with others? And they're looking down on us saying, "That's my Karen. She's fun."
"That's my Chaotic. I can't believe she's looking for a man pet. See? No one can replace me."
"That's my Monica. She's smarter than she looks. She knows Honey is a gift from me."
Anyway, that came to me as I read this. :)
*snuffle*
Awwwwww *sniff* Of course Ashley's still there, did you really think she'd leave you? We see Shiro here all the time, just out of the corner of an eye & feel her on the bed often, we miss her, but it makes the missing a little easier.
What a beautiful post about Ashley! I'm glad your grief is easing and the happy memories are helping you.
Take care and have a good weekend. ~hugs~
I am wiping my tears. I so know how much you miss Ashley. It doesn't matter how long it has been since she passed away. Everyone grieves at their own pace.
I have been thinking of you all day... how was the massage ?? I hope it was great ! :-)
*HUGS*
I am so glad that you have so many wonderful memories of Ashley.
I hope Ashley approves of the new cats that you choose. Make sure you ask her to send a sign of approval before you make your final choice.
That last picture is precious.
ashley is keeping close. making sure that you are ok, and helping you through the phases. i am so happy that you had this experience. i hope it gives you comfort. enjoy your weekend, poet.
What a beautiful post. They really never are completely gone, are they?
Karen, I still feel Fats with me as well. I see so much of him in Gimp. Keep those memories alive and bless you for being able to share these now.
Awww what a sweet post! I hope my remaining cats will be with me when they're gone.
I posted a VERY cute picture of one of them on my blog a little while ago. Go check it out and tell me if it isn't the cutest cat picture you've ever seen.
I'm so sorry you are hurting Karen, I know how you feel. Maybe it's time to get a kitten! Big hugs!