My Doodlebug

Of course, I still miss Kathy (my sister and Elyssa's mother) so much and my heart still hurts from missing her.  However, I think it was all meant to be that Kathy was needed and so He let us raise her little angel.  She brings so much love into our home and in our lives.  We are very blessed.

You see, I have been feeling a little it of sorts lately, nothing I could really put my finger on, just off from the usual.  It has slowly developed, so slowly that I didn't even realize it until tonight. 

I'm having a difficult time sleeping tonight so at 1:30am I decided I tortured myself long enough so I would take the allowed second klonopin to help me get to sleep.  I got my key then unlocked my lockbox and took out the medication.   As I took the pill out and was setting the pill bottle back in the box, I found an unexpected thing, a crystal that belonged to my sister, Kathy.  In fact, I gave the crystal to her a number of years ago when she was feeling out of sorts. 

Here comes the kicker.

I had no idea the crystal was in the lock box (of all places!!!) and I have cleaned it out completely at least three times!  I also do not recall getting it back from Kathy's posessions and I would have remembered this and put it on immediately at the time. 

Thank you, Kathy... you always knew just what I needed.  XOXO  I think I'll be able to sleep now...

Remedy Part 1: Klutzy Karen calling for mother to help her sort out how to get up from her rather sore bottom to her knees then to the side table to push herself up. Remedy Part 2: Remove the slippery chair mat and leaving chair to be safely on carpet (pile is really short enough, chair won't harm it). Remedy Part 3: Mom assuring Klutzy Karen that she's loved despite of being a klutz while holding back giggles. Best part of the Remedy, Part 4: Laughing despite being REALLY sore the next day. End note: I'm NOT looking for bruises. ;-)

Then I thought, perhaps they would try to make it more appealing to the computer world by making a G-Wiz, with a USB power chord, which was silly because the G-Wiz is battery operated and there isnt much more irritating than a toy with a chord... Seriously... Even if you can't remember, ask you ... Friends who have a G-Wiz... Oh, I mean kids.... Gotta remember I'm talking toys here.  *snicker*. 

Ohhhh, or perhaps the Googles are making the G-wiz computer savvy?  To have all sorts different settings and new... Ummm... Challenges and levels?  Yep, I would buy one of those... Whew... Getting hot in here.  Must have the furnace up too high because it's snowing outside.  *snicker*

Ok, I'm getting away from the real story here...  Uh um, ok.  I decided to Google the new Google G-Whizz ( never thought I'd say that, huh?!). I was so excited that my fingers were slipping on the keys but I finally got to the right page and much to my dismay, the Google G-Whizz is not the G-Wiz that I know and Loooooove...*sniffle*. I shouldn't have let myself get so worked up and excited.  *sigh*

Ooohhhh but the computer geek in me thinks it might be a cool little App for my iPad.  I guess there really is almost always a silver lining... Almost always.   ;-)

Jean R, 77, of North, Ogden, Utah died Tuesday, November 15, 2011, at his home surrounded by his family.

Jean was born April 14, 1934 in Fort Collins, Colorado to Jordan and Mary R.  He married the love of his life, Deanna Lee O. on August 23, 1957 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple.  He was a faithful member of LDS Church and held numerous positions in the Church.  His most treasured positions were those that involved the youth and was a beloved leader in which most of the children called him, Mr. Jean.

He retired from the insurance industry after over 30 years in 1998 and looked forward to spending more time with family, especially his pride and joy, his grand children.

Jean is survived by his sweet and loving eternal partner of 54 years, Deanna, their children J Dee (Patti), Robert (Joan), Susan, Karen, 14 grand children, and 18 great-grand children, all of the Ogden area.  He is also survived by his sisters Mary and Gloris, and his brothers Don and Kent, from across the United States.

He was preceded in death by his parents, brother Keith, twin sister Joan, his daughter-in-law Lisa, and his daughter Kathy.

Dad lived life with a smile on his face and in his heart with a zest for looking for the good in everything and everyone.  He loved and served all humankind in his life and he believed in the Gospel and his Savior with his entire being.  We will never forget the lessons Dad taught us and the unconditional love he showered upon our family.

Funeral services will be held Saturday, November 19, 2011, at the LDS, North Ogden 10th Ward Chapel, 787 East 1700 North at 12:00pm.  Friends may call Friday evening from 6:00pm to 8:00pm and Saturday from 11:00am to 11:45am.

Internment at Ben Lomand Cemetery.

**********

On a side note, Dad went very peacefully and each of us kids were able to say goodbye to him as well as all his brothers and sisters by telephone.  We, as a family, surrounded him in his last six hours on earth and it was truly an incredible experience.  I mourn his loss and life will never be the same without him, however, knowing he is free of pain and free of the body that no longer let him live life as he wanted is getting me through the pain of losing him.  I love him enough to let him go because he couldn't do all he wanted to do.  Rest in peace, Dad.  I love you more each day...

Please tell your loved ones how much you love them and never let them doubt your love for them.  Live life to its fullest and remember it's important to laugh, even if you are hurting...

Being upstairs the past two months has been nice, really... I haven't had any privacy but Mom has been so good to me and made sure I feel as comfortable as possible up here.  It's been good for me to be up here to help more with Dad and Elyssa loves having my bed up here so she can snuggle with me without having to go downstairs.  LOL  She's so funny about that.  I do love her cuddles; she's such a sweetheart. 

I miss my sister so much and there isn't a time of any given day that I am not thinking of her, however, having Elyssa makes it a little easier to not have Kathy here.  I also know that my life was meant to raise Elyssa.  It's amazing when we finally know what we're really meant to do. 

All the things I missed out on earlier in life, such as never marrying and never able to have my own kids was so I would be available when I was needed when Kathy died, I was able to take Elyssa and raise her.  I also know that it was Kathy's time; the Lord needed her for something only she could do and she was meant to give birth to Elyssa and raise her as far as she did... now it's my turn. 

I definitely am not raising Elyssa alone; I have Mom's, Susie's, Patti's, Joan's, J Dee's, and Bob's help and I know I coudln't do it without them. 

This is getting pretty deep here... especially since I just started out talking about getting the basement finished LOL 

Although it's been nice up here, I am SO getting ready to move back downstairs.  I need my privacy again.  I haven't realized how much I've s it until the time is drawing near when I'll be back down there in my own place again.  I better quit thinking about it before I go crazy and the time goes too slow. 

It's strange how much my needs versus nice-to-haves have changed in the past couple of months and it's quite easy to just go without those nice-to-haves when we don't have a choice but to go without those things. 

I found that a bed, in my condition, is relatively a must-have.  However, when I bought mine, I bought  a bed with all the bells and whistles, one of those really nice adjustable beds with vibration *snicker* and I was sick thinking that I paid over $3000 for this bed and insurance wasn't going to cover it but after sitting in water most the day, my sister did a little blow dry job on it *snicker* and then I held my breath when we plugged it in, prepared to just enjoy the nice mattress but the mattress moved and the vibrator vibrated just as it did the night before the flood.  Ahhh... life is good.  Now, what is the moral of this story?  Oh yes, what is "nice to have" and what is necessary....   OK, bad example, this one.  Except I was prepared to just do with the matress.  Yes, that works.  ;-)  The vibration is definitely a big necessity as well; it helps keep the swelling down in my legs.  Really, it does!! ;-)

When it came down to it, mist everything I had downstairs were important to me but certainly not life threatening if I didn't have the item(s).  Perhaps life altering to not have the item but certainly not going to kill me if I didn't have it. 

Family and friends didn't really know what to think of me because I wasn't stressed out to the point that they thought I would be.  It was all beyond my control and there was nothing I could do to stop the water from coming and  I even had to rely on others to carry my things upstairs and out to the garage or garbage - whatever it needed to go.  I felt relatively calm and even I wondered what was up with me.  LOL  I didn't even have to take Klonopin, which was the big shocker. 

Does this mean I'm growing up?  I hope not!  I don't wanna grow up!!!!

Friday night, my brother Bob and his wife Joan came over to help put Dad in bed and I was in Elyssa's room putting her in bed when they got here.  Bob decided to be a twinky and tried to get me with a joke (we're always kidding each other about stuff like that).  You see, my computer keyboard and screen are right next to the front door and he came in to Elyssa's room and was limping and rubbing his knee.  I asked what happened and he said he was so sorry but I'd left my keyboard out too far and he tripped over my monitor and it doesn't look like it was going to make it. 

I immediately went over to him and asked if he was OK  (not even asking about my computer -which a couple months a I propabay would have asked first) and was so worried about him. 

Then he started to laugh then said, "Wow, maybe I better not laugh because this is a first.  Karen is more concerned about me more than her blessed computer!!"   So I really must be freaking people out  LOL

Seriously, I think it's more about having lost so much but realizing it's not a big deal because those things can be replaced, our loved ones and those we care about cannot be replaced. 

It's all up to us, how we react - or act - towards trials in our lives.  All that happened could have a reason behind it too, which makes it easy to deal with.  For instance, there were some of Kathy's letters and papers that we hadn't gone through yet and they got a little damp so we were forced to go through them.  Strangely enough, there was an envelope that I found with a lady's name and address written on it and it so happened that Kathy had been prompting me to find this lady, to tell her that Kathy died.  Very strange.  Now, I'd be pissed if that was the only reason behind the flood *snicker* but at least it gives me some little good thing came out of the flood. 

Then I hear stories such as Amanda Knox; being  wrongfully imprisoned for 4 years.  As hard as it must have been, she never gave up - she and her family kept it positive. 

When you are met with a challenge, what are you going to do, take the high or the low road?

Needless to say, I've been getting more rootie tootie while upstairs more (since my basement still isn't finished).  Ohhhhhh Lordy. 

Ohhhh yes, it's been such a mess.   I'm still upstairs, in the front room for display LOL.  Actually, Mom and I just ordered the carpet this evening.  It's a commercial grade, like they use in schools, that we won't have to put in with backing so that will save a lot of money.  No, we don't have any insurance at all that covers any of it.  Two of my aunts and one of my uncles donated about $1000 between the three for the sheetrock and all the wall materials.  We had to redo the walls from about 3 feet from the floor and lucky enough, my oldest brother J Dee is really good at sheet rocking so he did the entire basement.  He's amazing.  Mom and Dad's church helped a little too by paying the house payment for 1 or 2 months too, to help with the carpet.  Then my brother Bob and his wife Joan came over and primed and painted all of it - but J Dee finished with the second coat of paint. 

So, I figure by Halloween, I should be back in the basement (fingers crossed!!).  I need to buy a few things, like a couple of book cases, a small fridge, and other small things that were destroyed.  I was SO lucky that my bed wasn't ruined since it's an adjustable bed that cost +$3000 and I'd be in big trouble since the insurance didn't cover anything in the "clause" in the insurance.  *yawn*  I'm tired of hearing what they won't cover, I could puke so I'll just stop.  LOL.

I'm so blessed that more wasn't damaged.  So many more people around the country were worse, especially those who lost their entire homes and my heart goes out to them.  I wish so much that I could physically help put my things back but unfortunately, with my pulmonary hypertension and the rheumatoid arthritis, I don't have the strength. 

I am incredibly grateful for all of my family and neighbors who came in and helped clear all the wet things out.  Namely, my mother, brother J Dee, SIL Patti, brother Bob, SIL Joan, sister Susie, Aunt Linda Kaye and Uncle Dale, and Aunt Jan.  Outside my family, there are well over 100 people who helped doing whatever we asked.  There are so many good people still in this world.  Even those who wanted to help but could not , we truly appreciate.  For those of you who knew I'd need your support from afar, you were and knew just when to say the right thing.  In short - or in long - thank you everyone and from the bottom of my heart and I love you.

Saying "Thank You" doesn't cover what is in my heart.  I'm so blessed to have people I know and don't know step up to help someone in need out of the kindness of their hearts.  See - there are still those types of people in this world and not only this situation, but I'm finding in them in every which way I turn.  So, look in the mirror and say "thank you" to yourself and say it's from me. 

It's just frustrating. 

Thanks to some lung damage from the pulmonary hypertension, I have to wear oxygen 24 hours a day now and it's pretty much a pain but on the other hand, it's nice to get the oxygen I need. 

The first week in August, tragedy struck when our basement flooded (where I live!!) and everything was in 8 to 12 inches of water.  Ack!!  A storm drain backed up and I woke up to water surrounding me.  What a rude awakening... however, there were other houses in the neighborhood who were hit a lot worse; they had two feet of water. 

It took about a week to get all the water out and to spray Chlorox all over to prevent the mold.  Since then, every chance J Dee, Bob, Adam, or Travis could come over, they did to work on the walls. 

I've been displaced upstairs in the living room LOL  I feel like the "Dork Exhibit" as whenever anyone comes to the door, I'm there, in the living room on my bed.  Gotta laugh at life and I'm grateful to have my bed!  It's an expensive adjustable bed and I was very lucky that the water didn't ruin the motor... or vibrator unit... gee whiz... you know, I have my priorities.  *snicker*

Ohhh.... gee whiz... I forgot to mention the good old gee whiz... it made it through the flood!  As well as all my other novelties and fun stuff.  I was lucky enough to have Susie go through my closet and she is keeping the *fun things* at her house for the time being.  Ah, gee whiz, I've got a good sister...  ;-)  No worries about her kiping it though, cuz she has one of her own.  ROFL  TMI?  Yeah, probably... 

Speaking of vibrating, I need to get a new recliner, darn it... perhaps I can get a vibrating chair.  Woohoo  *snortle* 

I'm taking over my dad's big oak desk since my desk was ruined and I'll hook my PC up in the TV/lounging area so I'll have oodles of room in my bedroom for a change.  I guess that's one good thing about a flood, it forces one to go through the old stuff I haven't used in months/years/decades. 

Today, J Dee and Mom need me to go through my clothes that go into my closet so J Dee can finish the walls in the washroom, where my clothes are hanging now.  I'm sure Mom is elated that I'm forced to get rid of some of my things... being the little packrat I've always been.  I'm not a hoarder though, I swear LOL  I see some of those people on TV and it's so sad that they feel they have to live like that.  Anyhoo... off topic a bit.  Once I go through my clothes, I'll give some away and then split my summer/fall/winter stuff out for the extra wardrobe (that luckily survived) in the storage room. 

Mom has been after me for years to do some MAJOR cleaning out.  I just went through pile one and only got rid of two things (out of 20).  Hmmm, not looking so good... LOL  I bet I'm going to find some clothes missing before I put my room back together.  Mom is sneaky that way, especially since I'm connected to my oxygen machine while I'm living upstairs and don't venture downstairs that often.  Yep, me thinks she'll donate them to a charity on my behalf.  LOL

Elyssa is back in school and doing really well so far.  She's grown a lot again this past summer, especially her feet going from size 1 1/2 to 3!!  We had to buy new tap shoes and ballet shoes for her dance class, not to mention all the new shoes for school.  She's a shoe girl as far as showing them off but as soon as she gets home, it's off with the shoes. 

Well, I better go downstairs for a bit and go through clothes before it's done for me ;-).

TTFN! (Ta Ta For Now)

I was excited to take her because we had so much fun last year and my sister Susie came with us and was coming again this year.  I drove my car, Elyssa was in the back in her car seat then we stopped and picked up Susie.  E was SO excited and was saying Cookoo, Cookoo all the way (10 minute drive).  Then she told Susie (in her own little way) how her day was and what toys she had with her, etc. 

It was about another 10 minutes to the park and we parked in a good place and followed a paved sidewalk (asphalt) and were right where the welcoming people were.  It was quite a walk for me but I was going slow and steady but it upset Elyssa because I told them to go ahead and register and that I'd meet up with them in the line.  She wasn't having any of that.  She kept turning around and making sure I was behind her - probably about 15 paces - and she appeared to be OK to do that but she kept stopping every so often to wait for me to catch up. 

Next thing I knew it, I saw a giant Hershey Chocolate Bar character coming towards Elyssa and Susie was saying, "Oh look, Elyssa..."  but Elyssa FREAKED OUT.  I have NEVER EVER seen her freak like she did.  She wanted NOTHING to do with the Hershey bar and the person inside kept coming towards her saying hello, type thing - you know, to calm her down but E wanted nothing to do with it and she broke away from Susie, turned around and came towards me, in rodeo fashion, like a bull and I was the clown in the barrel.  She picked up speed in the 15 paces and although I saw her coming and tried to prepare myself as a clown would with a raging bull coming after him/her.  By the time she reached me, she hit me with so much force, she knocked me down on my butt then I hit my back/shoulder and then the back of my head hit last (thank goodness or I would have gotten another ride to the hospital).  She knocked the breath out of me and the next think I knew, she was on top of me screaming and crying.

Poor kid.  I couldn't even sit up and no one would let me so Susie took Elyssa and tried to calm her. 

Me?  I was surrounded by several sexy cowboys checking my head and asking to look them in the eyes... Dang, I forgot to get some phone numbers... hmmm... well maybe not - wasn't my finest hour.  ;-)

Then they asked me questions as tears rolled down my cheeks because I wanted to get to Elyssa to check on her but Susie had her so they then I didn't know whether I was crying more from my own injuries or for Elyssa.  I tried to explain about E's irrational fears but I had NO idea she would be scared from a giant Hershey Bar (who would see that coming?!) 

After they got me sitting up and then onto a chair to make sure I was all right, Susie took Elyssa back to the car because she wanted to go HOME.  No doubt about that!  But she didn't want to leave me either so it wasn't all that easy on Susie getting her to go back to the car. 

As I was discussing what happened with the group that gathered, I had an idea of why she flipped out and that was her "so-called-father" because he is very dark and and she is afraid of him.  Then I looked back behind me and I saw the one poor Hershey Bar guy standing in a corner and soon another Hershey guy joined him and their poor little legs were just shaking. 

Then they people knew I was OK when I started speculating what their conversation might be (or they thought I was nuts). 

      "Oh man, what did you do to that little girl?!  We're supposed to make the kids laugh, not cry, dude!!" 

      "I just said hello!  I swear!!! The kid just freaked and then she tackled that other lady wearing the oxygen."

      "We're so fired, dude!" 

     "Oh, wait dude, I got a plan.  We just won't say who was there.  I got your back if you got mine." 

     "Cool."  but thinking... "I ain't taking the fall for ya... "

We all had some chuckles at that.  The really cute cowboy said, "Yeah, OK... now we know you are just fine with that sense of humor." 

Susie drove the car on the pavement to come get me and while I was waiting, a lady stood there with two of her kids.  She had been right there when Elyssa freaked and never thought of leaving until I was safely on my way home.  She had a special needs little girl and a son (who ran to get water, etc) and I thanked her so much as we left and that I wished we didn't spoil their night.  She just said, knowing you're fine is all we care about. 

More tears poured down my cheeks as I mouthed "Thank you" from my car as Susie turned the car around.  Everyone was really nice and they all said to take my time and not go anywhere until I was ready.  It was just an awesome experience (not the tackle part) knowing that so many people just dropped what they were doing and came over to help. 

I sat in the back of my car with Elyssa to make sure she was OK and Susie drove us home.  Thank heavens she was there with me.  

The wounds are as follows: 

Elyssa landed on me but she scraped her knee on the pavement so she's OK, other than being shaken up. 

Me:  well, a few more injuries but nothing a few days won't fix. 
Bum: sore but luckily is padded... bruises starting and more to follow
Right hip:  ouch. 
Right Shoulder blade: road rash and bruised all over my upper back
Top of back of head: little bump but pupils are equal and reactive.
Over all body:  I feel as if I've been hit by a dump truck and actually, I have! 
Diagnosis:  I will live.  ;-)

Susie and her friend Robin were planning on taking Elyssa to the real rodeo next week but ummm.... don't' think that's gonna happen, even if we promise her there's not going to be giant Hershey Bars running around.  Maybe next year...

I'm getting used to my medication for the pulmonary hypertension (PH) and I still wasn't feeling well and I was having trouble with my oxygen saturation not being in the 90's, it was in the 70-80's, which isn't good enough.  My doctor gave me the news (which I already suspected) that I've got some lung damage from the root cause of the PH and everything that's gone on the past year, the Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). 

It's really true, just like the cereal Kix isn't just for kids any more, RA just isn't for joints any more.  GAH.  So, I get to be on oxygen 24 hours a day now, instead of just at night.  For night as well as when I'm in my basement, I have a big unit that I call B.J. (you can guess what the initials stand for... hey - come on... I gotta keep my sense of humor, right?!) then while I'm upstairs and go anywhere, I have a portable unit that I call Breezy.  It's a bit of a pain to drag around but at least I don't have to drag BJ around ;-)

The summer has been pretty busy and Elyssa is keeping me and my mom going.  We have her in gymnastics twice a week and she's having fun.  She still misses dance but those classes don't run in the summer.  She's got her imagination now so she'll pretend to go to the store or wherever she decides to go... however, she's not gone long enough LOL  she'll turn around and come back home.  I told her she should take her time while shopping but she's too excited to get back to show us all the babies and treats she bought for me, Mom, and Dad.  She's so funny and her sense of humor keeps growing. 

I spend a lot of time in my recliner but that's not a good idea because I noticed I've developed a bed sore!  Not sure how... really... other than it's right where my undies hit at the bottom of my booty and top of my thigh.  Good place, huh?  So the past couple of days, I've been on my bed, giving my arse a rest and of course, Elyssa has been with me.  She doesn't want to play on the floor but insists on playing on my bed with me.  She's quite the bouncy bedmate; kind of like Tigger would be, I imagine.  At least she has her own bed for the night time so I can enjoy the magic fingers of my massaging bed. 

I have enjoyed getting outside a bit to take some photos of Mom's flowers and some of my rose and lily bushes.  Fortunately, Ashley's red rose and peace rose made the winter.  One little branch of the purple rose (give to us by Dawn) made it, as well as a small white one.  We thought they were all dead in the spring but decided to see what they'd do in the heat and they came back!  The lilies are really beautiful and I'm excited about those.  So, I'll leave you with these photos... take care and stay cool!!

Yesterday afternoon, I was outside taking photos of the beautiful spring flowers while Elyssa was playing on the lawn.  I was in my own little world (while listening to Elyssa giggle and play) when my neighbor from across the street came over and asked me about the lens I was using to shoot the flowers.  Just a little small talk, which he likes to do on occasion.  He's a great man who is very intelligent and has many hobbies, and photography is one of them. 

After chatting with him for a few minutes, I saw the dark circles under his eyes and asked him how he and his wife were doing.  "Not well at all," he replied.  Then he went on to tell me that his sister is on life support after an infection that started out from strep throat.  She took the very strong antibiotics for the strep throat and the antibiotics removed all the natural flora in her body, especially her intestines and uterus, etc.  That turned into a bad yeast infection and the first thing they knew it, she was hospitalized and they had to put her on life support. 

They took his sister off life support this afternoon.

But while we were still talking yesterday, after he told me the story about his sister and I told him how sorry I was, I could tell he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.  That is when he saw Elyssa running towards me saying, "Dude!  Dude!"  as if she'd won the lottery.  She reached me and she must beamed when she showed me the hand full of grass she'd pulled from the lawn and then she threw it in the air and got it all over us.

We laughed and giggled and I hugged her and thanked her.  Then my neighbor, with eyes filled with tears, asked me, "Do you know how blessed you are to have such a wonderful child in your life?"  He was grinning from ear to ear as I was I and I found my eyes filling with tears and I answered, "Oh yes, I do." 

He knew that I understood exactly what he meant as I saw him smile and look into Elyssa's smiling face and the weight on his shoulders seemed to disappear before my eyes.  Then we went on to discuss what an incredible child Elyssa is.

She may not talk like everyone else but just one look into her eyes and to really see the expressions on her face, you know exactly what she's thinking. 

Elyssa began to play "peek" with my neighbor running around me then he'd try to grab her and she'd run around the back of me and gave me a big squeeze as if I was protecting her.  She loves to play that game.

My neighbor excused himself and returned home and a few minutes later, I noticed he was still playing peek with her.  She was squealing and running around, and almost knocking me over like a locomotive as he hid behind his trees and she'd hid behind me. 

You see, it really takes so little to take away the very largest of problems.... just a little love is HUGE.