Happy birthday to my sister, Susie.... the big 48!

I'm the cute blonde on the left ;-)    You see, I can poke fun at her here since she doesn't use a computer at all.  *evil grin*  Love ya, Susie!

Momma and ElyssaMom found a two-page, handwritten document by Kathy's hand while going through yet another box today.  It started out to be her anger and how Ellis (the so-called husband or asshole, which ever term you'd like to use) treated her, especially in front of Elyssa.  The notes, I believe are from a session with her psychiatrist.  She was speaking out and crying out to the world about what she'd gone through with the asshole (the term I like to use).  She was crying out for help for help she was threatened not to tell a soul or more harm would come to her and Elyssa would be taken away. 

After the angry words ended, she used words of love for Elyssa and how they as parents needed to pull together to give their little girl a life.  However, he didn't seem to care about anything but crack - which was his choice; choosing drugs over his daughter. 

Kathy went on to proclaim her love for Elyssa and that since she moved into a new house (where no one from the "old life" knew where she lived) and how safe she felt.  Moving into the new house was a chance at a new life for Kathy and Elyssa and Ellis be damned.  Once he got paroled from Utah, he requested parole to Ohio... which tells a lot.  Actually, there was a dream of him taking Elyssa and Kathy to Ohio but in the letter, she said she'd always love him but was no longer in love with him because of all the abuse and disrespect. 

A big lump rose in my throat and tears rolled down my cheeks that she fought SO hard to get her life back; not only for her but also for Elyssa.  She was an incredible mother and fought hard for her child.  I saw changes in her along the way and was proud of her but reading her words somehow made is more concrete and more real that she really was changing and it wasn't just an act. 

I'm going to scan this document and send the original to our lawyer.  The point is, the asshole never really wanted Elyssa, he just wanted control and pretend he was a man. 

Kathy - I'm so proud of you and of how hard you fought to find your way back again.  I always knew you could do it - you always had a kick-ass attitude and Ellis seemed to drain that so you felt as if you were nothing.  But you were something, you were our sister, Elyssa's mother, our parents' daughter, and so many things to so many people.  Just speaking with your friends from Cincinnati, St. Louis, and San Diego, you were loved and you a fantastic friend.  We'll always love you.

And for the record, I'm sorry I called you a doorknob - I can clearly see it was Ellis who was the doorknob.

 OK, so this Wordless Wednesday isn't so wordless.  My sister Susie and her friend had a great idea to take E to an archarde an they invited me along,  This is my niece of Elyssa, who has never been to an archade until today.  Elyssa had such a great time sand there were lots of giggles and this summer, maybe we coulf go to the big theme park with her cusins. If her momma's death has taught us anything, it's to help give her daugher a full life.  It's not that Kathy didn't have the means to take her she wasn't physically able.

Life is short - don't waste a minute.  However, when we got home, I don't know who wore who out - Elyssa or us.

So many times in the past, I've discussed (or written) about something so incredibly selfish that someone has done and how it's disgusted me.  Having been raised better than many with charity at the base of my being, it is difficult for me to understand how others can be so selfish.

However, this year, I stand corrected. 

Kathy passed away on November 26, 2009, which was Thanksgiving and we were at a loss at what to do and how to pay for her funeral because she did not have any life insurance, savings, or property other than a car that was worth $1700.   Not only had we lost her but we also had no idea how we'd pay for the services.

My sister Susie is good friends with a gentleman who is part owner in one of the largest mortuary chains in the area, Lindquist Mortuary, and he gave us a discount on anything he could.  Still, the bill was almost $7000. 

Kathy's roommate immediately bought Kathy's car so we could give a down payment and then by the day of the funeral, we received many condolence cards with not only condolences and love, but also money.  No one was asked to help, but they did.  The money came in $20, $50, to $1000 donations, which blew our minds.  Of course, it made us all cry, knowing that not only Kathy but that my whole family was loved so much by so many. 

As of today, Mom mailed in the last payment on the bill on the mortuary.  Then my aunt let a secret slip that my mom's family are collecting for a headstone for Kathy, just as we did for my cousin Rick who died under similar circumstances about three years ago. 

I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so grateful for all the donations to give my sister the burial she deserved. 

I'm not done yet.  A man from the church came over the other night to tell us that more people from church are still donating so we can also put that towards the headstone and well as savings for Elyssa.

Last night Elyssa's main teacher called and asked if her and the principal of the school could drop in to visit.  We had a great visit and they told us how well Elyssa is doing in school and how much more loving she is since Kathy died (she's been the same with my family too).  As they were about to leave, they handed us two cards - both carrying over $400.  Donated from E's teachers and teachers around the school who love her.  I don't care what people say - teachers are truly some of the most kind hearted people on earth. 

Mom and I spent the day today buying Christmas gifts for Elyssa, gifts to make her feel more comfortable here and to have more fun at play time (if that's possible). 

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who gave of themselves, whether it's through a thought, prayers, or other means.  My family's Christmas is beginning to be bright. 

Meet Aspen Ann, born Monday, November 30 2009.  She's my grand niece, born to my niece Keldi and her husband Matt.  What a blessing.

I think that it's a plot that when someone close to us dies to keep us so busy with plans that we don't have time to really grieve.  Every day since Kathy died has been filled with plans, finding important documents, and anything else that makes one feel as if he or she is losing their minds. 

Mortuaries are well worth their weight in gold.  We met with the mortuary yesterday and they were wonderful and knew everything that needs to be done.  Of course, five of those things has to be done by today to meet the deadlines, but I think I can get it all done. 

Kathy's viewing is Tuesday night - just a short one and then her services will be Wednesday morning.  We're only running her obit one day, which is Tuesday.  I will complain about the cost of obituaries - they've gone from a free service to a real money-maker for the newspapers. 

My sister Susie and I are going to give speeches at Kathy's services and we're going to try and keep it light, just as Kathy would have wanted.  I'm sure there will be laughter through our tears.  Everyone in my family will take a part in the service and the burial, which I think would please her as well. 

I better get busy checking things off my to-do list... I have until 5pm tonight.  Wish me luck.

Thank you again, everyone for your thoughts and prayers.  Love to you all.

My sister Kathy - I love you so much.  I know you're free from pain now but you're missed and always will be. 

May 5, 1963 - November 26, 2009

Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here