To all those who keep our country safe.

To my dad - who always did - and still does - put family first. 

It seems that just when things are settling down with my health, something has to crop up.  Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the treatments and for my doctors, but I want a new body.

I've been battling nausea like crazy the past two or three weeks and between me and my pain doc, we think we've sorted out that I'm not eating enough and the extended release pain pills make my stomach upset so I now have to carry snacks like gummy bears and jelly beans around with me.  That I can handle and so far, so good.

Last week, I went to see a new orthopedic doc regarding my knees and actually saw the surgeon (and not some slacky)!  The last orthopedic clinic I went to, I couldn't see the surgeon until I got Synvisc injections (which I found out later that I should NEVER have had due to the types of arthritis I have and how severe my knee issues are) which gave me nothing but more pain.  The next step was something else but I was fed up by then and wanted another opinion. 

Anyway, this new doc was really great; he spent about 30 minutes with me talking, listening, examining, and answering questions.  However, with all my very high risk health situations (blood clots and auto-immune disease complications), he can't help me, but at least I know more than I did before!  The Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteo-Arthritis, bone spurs (on both sides of my knee caps), and other issues, there's no hope of having a scope done to buy me some time before I have to get two shiny new knees. Yep - I'm 42 and there's no way I'm making it to the standard age of 50 before getting my knees replaced. 

The doc said he'd be surprised if I'd last another year or two before having them done.  I could - in theory - get them done now but honestly, after what he told me about the risks and complications with the auto-immune stuff, scares the shit out of me and I'm not ready to face it yet.

He referred me to one of his colleagues in Salt Lake who does knee replacements, when I'm ready.  I definitely have to have the BEST and the most qualified with all my issues.  

I barely finished telling my mom about the doctor appointment when she said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you that a scooter/motorized wheelchair sales person called for you on my phoneline today but I told her she had the wrong number and I wouldn't give her yours."  After I picked myself off the floor, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I decided to have a good laugh.  Bloody hell, honestly.

Perhaps the next time a scooter sales person calls, I'll ask Mom to take down their phone number and I'll call them back.  I can picture myself speeding along the side of the street on my scooter with the horn blaring and me yelling at people to get out of my way.  Ohhhh... I'd have SO much fun at stores like Wal-Mart and run the rude people down for a change.

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Onto another, definitely more happy subject, it's Ms. Vickie's birthday today and I'd like to wish her the happiest of all days.  I love you, girlfriend!  I'll fly down to sit on your porch with you this afternoon and we'll have some of that special lemonade ;-)

Here's a poem I wrote for her a couple of years ago and it still holds true:

Vickie is a rainbow,
Each color and layer filled to the brim
With beauty and goodness.

Red is the love she possesses,
And her heart that she shares
With anyone she meets.

Orange is the flame
Of her courage and strength
To battle Missy and take each day as it comes.

Green is her warmth,
Drawing others in to warm their hearts
And make them feel loved.

Blue is her calmness,
Making others feel at home,
Whether it is on the Porch or at the Crossroads.

Purple is her passion,
The base for all the other colors
And is an attraction for us all.

Vickie is a rainbow like no other,
For she doesn’t just appear after the storm
But is there during the rain
And when there are no clouds.

Vickie makes me believe
That I can be a rainbow
And I can catch the rainbow too.

All my love,
Karen

My dear friend Vickie's cat, Smoltz died a couple of weeks ago and I've been wanting to write about it but the time wasn't quite right.  Then Thursday afternoon, I discovered what I needed and subconsciously was waiting for - a rose to bloom from a very special rosebush - one that I planted for my cat, Ashley when she died nearly three years ago.

I knew this was an extra special bud because there was a drop of water on it from a recent rain shower and it reminded me of a tear drop - as one of many that Vickie and her husband have had fall over the loss of Schmoltz. 

Smoltz was a special cat - not only to Vickie and her husband but to me too because so many times when Vickie and I would be chatting on the phone - either supporting each other or giggling about something, Schmoltz would climb on Vickie to get to the phone as if to say hello to me.  He did this a lot shortly after Ashley died, I recall. 

My heart goes out to Vickie and her husband.  I know how much they loved Schmoltz and what a source of comfort, joy, laughter, and love he was.  This rose is not only for Smoltz but also for both of you...  It's a symbol of my love and sympathy to you both.  Please keep them both in your thoughts as they grieve such a special member of their family.

I started blogging in June of 2001 and I thought that Blogger ate my first posts for years but while I was going through the "new" Blogger, they have my first post!  So, I'm a few days early for this post since my actual bloggiversary is on June 8 but while I've started it, I might as well finish it now that I've started. 

HERE is my first post, as lame as it was...  Thanks to the new Blogger people who found the lost posts and restored them. 

From 2003 - 2006, I was on my friend Christine's server and appreciate everything she did for me.  There was a worm or a hacker (same thing, I guess!) who destroyed two years of my blog and although I'll never get it back as a whole, Google had some archives so I have some of my favorite posts saved on my hard drive.  That was a huge loss for me because that was really a big time of change and growth in my life but I'm still here :-) 

Blogging is much more than writing and keeping in contact with new friends, it's a way of expanding horizons and connecting with new people.  I never would have met those I have without it and honestly, it's been a way to keep my sanity and grow as a person.  I've received so much support and I hope I've given more support than I've received.  The last year or two has been more difficult getting around to everyone and I use an RSS reader to try and keep tabs on everyone but I'm not as dedicated as I once was. 

Although the last few years have been filled with health problems, they've also been filled with accomplishments and self-discovery.  Who knew I was really smart and driven enough to go to school for four years and get my bachelor's degree?!  Well, most of you knew it more than I did...  Photography became a great passion of mine as well as traveling to the UK and also to Colorado and Boston.  I only wish I had more time and money to travel more. 

I went through a lot of losers *cough cough* boyfriends and had my heart broken a time or two but I grew from those experiences, both the good and the bad.

I can't thank all those who gave their friendships to me and continue to do so... you all are who make my life brighter and better.  God bless. 

Thank you to all who served and who serve our country and protect our freedoms.  Their families have my heart felt gratitude as well. 

My dad serving in France just after the Korean War in the 1950's.

I spent the majority of the weekend watching season finales that I DVR'd during the week.  There were some major cliff-hangers and the makers know just what is going to drive me crazy until the fall.  House, Lost, Bones, Grey's Anatomy, Ghost Whisperer, and Supernatural had the finales last week and all were really good.  I still haven't seen the season finale of Supernatural because the CW doesn't have it on their site yet (hurry it up, will ya?!) and it's on the same time as Grey's Anatomy so I watch it online. 

It's a good thing there are summer shows that I love to keep me entertained until the fall season begins.  This week, I think just The Mentalist has its season finale (of the shows I watch) and Medium and In Plain Sight are still going.  Yes, I need to get a life but let me have my entertainment. ;-)

Now onto serious stuff.  I had to work for a few hours Friday morning then I went home, cut some tulips and lilacs from the garden, put them in a vase, then took them to the cemetery to my late friend Suzy's grave.  Friday would have been her 42nd birthday so I thought it was fitting that I pay my respects.  She'd been on my mind a lot the month or so and I had some moments of tears but also a lot of smiles remembering her and what a wonderful friend and person she was. 

As I arrived at her headstone, there was so much peace.  I stood there for a few moments feeling the breeze and sunshine on my face, surrounded by the beautiful mountains and I thought, what a great resting place for her. Her parents are still living but they already have their headstone in place so even now, her remains are surrounded by family.  I looked over to the right and I saw her brother Scott's headstone, who died exactly one year to the day before her.  Both died on February 12, which is their dad's birthday and thinking about that always gives me chills. 

She may have died early but she is definitely at peace.

When talking to Hula yesterday about favorite movies such as Dirty Dancing and others that, to put it bluntly, makes us hot to watch, we came up with a system to rate movies.  No longer will I use a "star" system but it will be a Gee Whiz system.  For example, Dirty Dancing would get 3.5 or 4 Gee Whizes. 

Those of you who have read me for a while, will know that there is a meaning behind Gee Whiz and perhaps will find that as funny - or close to as funny as Hula and I do... for everyone else... I don't know what to tell you other than it's one of the best things to come into my life ever and... here's a stock tip for you, invest in Energizer Batteries.  *snortle* 

Speaking of the G-Wiz, it seems in my stock pile of G-Wizes (in fear/paranoia that it'd be discontinued although I can't imagine why, it's the best thing ever) I bought a dud; it worked but not with the same vigor and excitement that other past G-Wizes have had.  It will soon make its way to the dumpster just as the G-Wiz that finally bit the dust.  RIP my little whizzer... thanks for the... ummm... memories.  Not to worry, I still have a supply although dwindling quicker than I expected.  *snicker*

Onto other stuff... I heard back from my doc and the scans of my head were clear (whew) so the most likely issue was sinus pressure and allergies and were also combined with actual migraines.  I still have a slight headache but it's tolerable.  I also saw my pain doc yesterday and since my pain level has been more than we want it to be, he gave me another pain pill to take in the morning while the other I take with dinner.  One other possibility for the lingering headache is kickback from the dinner time pain pill so hopefully the new pill will help if that was the case.

Don't worry, I'm alive... I've been here... or close by but away from my computer and most of my life.  Thank you for those of you who have emailed and wondered where I was and if I was OK. 

The last two weeks, I've suffered from some sort of migraine and/or major sinus headaches and so I haven't felt up to writing.  Last week, I saw my doc and had some tests run but am still waiting for the results.  Some things set the headaches off one day then something different the next so who knows.  I'm tired of trying to guess what's causing the headaches so I'll just wait to see what the results are from the tests last week - if they'll show anything or at least rule serious things out. 

I hope everyone is well and is having a good week!